So, the past week or so I've been wanting to sit down and blog, but haven't taken the time to do so. I was sitting on the couch tonight after dinner feeling like I should have stayed at school and worked or ATLEAST brought something home to work on...but I didn't. So, then I was gonna go work out since *i was just sitting on the couch* but then, I realized I left my bag of workout clothes... which contains my tennis shoes... at work. Blah.
I was driving home today thinking about how crazy the last couple of months have felt/been. I've been going to/calling the doctor A LoT the last few months. The doctor "diagnosed" all that's been happening as anxiety. I took it and began taking medicine. She gave me some med that was for depression, but helps anxiety and all I saw was crazy side effects. So, she switched me to a medicine that is strictly for anxiety. My mom always tells me to journal how I'm feeling through these crazy times so I can see when things are happening and whatnot. The thing that has remained consistent is a tightness in my neck, head and forehead that doesn't seem to go away. ever. Long story short, (remember this is after a few months of doctor visits, changing prescriptions/dosages back and forth and multiple phone calls) they want to xray my neck. I'm really praying for answers. Any answer. Just an answer. Because if they do things and everything comes back normal and living with this tightness in my head, neck is just something I have to learn to live with...then okay. But, I just need that peace of mind, because right now I ofcourse have diagnosed myself with tumors and all sorts of reasons as to why I have all this tightness, heavy feeling, and tingling. ha. Just ready for answers. So, (ALL of you who read this... haha) pray for an answer. I decided today I would continue calling the doctor because I've lived 26 years of my life without this feeling in my neck and head and so I'm pretty sure it's NOT normal. And if it is all anxiety related, I just need that peace of mind that everything else is fine. But then I wonder...why is the medicine not working? Blah. I know you don't want to read about this. moving on.... :)
Kindergarten is amazing. The kids are completely different than in first grade. It's just a year, but it's still a year. A big year. I love their personalities...their innocence, excitement, energy and hugs. Not that first graders didn't have all of this...it's just sooo different in kinder. Everything is new and exciting. I love being a part of that. My students are so great. Since, 1st grade started teaming a couple years ago, I forgot what it was like to only have one class of kiddos and I think that's another reason why I'm loving it so much. I feel like I've already gotten to know them and their personalities and quirks so much better having them the whole day rather than splitting the day. Yes, they empty my "patience jar" as I've explained it to them... atleast once a week and yes, they cry and whine, but YES they are precious in God's sight and precious in my sight. I love them. All of them.
On Wednesday nights, instead of helping with youth right now I'm hanging out with the college students and we have a bible study. The few girls who are there bless my heart each week. I love their hearts. This is a little bit about what we talked about 2 weeks ago:
God is love. "Anyone who does not love God, does not know God, because God is love. " 1 John 4:8 The love He has given to me allows me to be called His child. "See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is." 1 John 3:1-2 .. at the end of verse 2 I love!..... of course, I haven't perfected this love and I know I won't fully until the day I'm with Him, but until that day I will strive to keep on loving earnestly.
:) Sheryl
