admitting

So I've been very frustrated today with doctors or maybe the answers I've been getting from them.
Quick update: I went to chiropractor because after the doctor said I was having muscle spasms in my neck and the muscle relaxers didn't help, she said to try that. So I did...He said after 3 visits I should feel better, and I didn't. Then, he said after 6 is when they typcially refer for an MRI, but he felt pretty sure all along an MRI of my cervical spine would come back negative. My doctor had already ordered an MRI and it came just a few days after my 6 visits with the chiropractor. Sure enough, the MRI came back negative. I finally heard back from the doctor today and she said it's still probably muscle spasms in my neck. I'm not a doctor and have NO knowledge in that field, but she said the steriod shot would give me instant relief from the spasms and the muscle relaxers would as well. When I received zero relief from those she said a chiropractor would fix the problem. When all that hasn't seemed to help WhY?! would you suggest that's still the issue? Or if it is, what are you going to do to fix it? because you aren't offering me any answers!

Okay, sorry. I just was venting a little bit...apparently. :)

They are referring me to a neurologist.

I was just sitting here wondering if it's all still anxiety related...because that's what the doctor has said.  And if it is, my constant cry, plea, and prayer has been that I would "cast all my anxieties on Him" 1 Peter 5:7. And to "not be anxious about about life..." Matthew 6:25. I have cried and prayed that I would lean on Him more and trust His promises more and if this is related to anxiety I know HE is STRONGER.  There's a JJ Heller song that says:

YOU ARE STRONGER than any terrible possible scenario today. Come and save me- You're the ONLY source of ALL THE PEACE I need so desperately.

If it's this... I feel like I've given almost all I have to give. I don't know what else to do to trust or to not let Satan have the glory in this situation. So, I'm frustrated with doctors, and I hate that I'm frustrated with myself. I've thrown my hands up in prayer and I've been so close to breaking so many times. God lifts me up and I'm good for awhile. I'm sure I fall back to depending on myself and that's when the circle continues. But, it's been such a roller coaster the last few months. I'm so ready to feel better ALL the time. So I can be a better wife, a better teacher, a better friend. I just can't give my best when I don't feel good.

*And sidenote, I have amazing people in my life who pray for me, listen to all this ALOT, and love me.

Pretty much this other JJ Heller song describes it:

I have unanswered prayers. I have trouble I wish wasn't there. And I have asked a thousand ways that You would take my pain away. I am trying to undersatnd how to walk this weary land;  make straight the paths that crooked lie. Oh Lord before these feet of mine.

When my world is shaking, Heaven stands. When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands.

When you walked upon the earth. You healed the broken, lost and hurt. I know you hate to see me cry; one day You will set all things right.Yeah, one day You will set all things right.

When my world is shaking, Heaven stands. When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands.Your hands, Your hands that shaped the world.,...are holding me, they hold me still.

Your hands that shaped the world....are holding me, they hold me still. When my world is shaking, Heaven Stands. When my heart is breaking, I never leave You. When my world is shaking, Heaven Stands. When my heart is breaking, I never leave...I never leave Your hands.

*So thankful for His promises. Just ready for answers. Ready to feel better.

S